I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
