the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
