he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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