a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
