basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize