Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
