first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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