Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
