I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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