from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
