No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
