so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i came on her dog
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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