I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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