nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
As shirtless as possible
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
