Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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