kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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