Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize