I just pynch a tree in the face
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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