I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
COCAINE IS GR8
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
