My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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