he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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