I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
