no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i love accidental penises.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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