Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
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