You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
