at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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