Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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