Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize