Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
