Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize