Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
