so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
