I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Can vaginas get frostbite?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
