Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
