he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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