theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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