I wanna passion pit in your ass
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize