Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Randomize
