I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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