We won't sleep together?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
