I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
