i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
