I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
