12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
