Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
tell me about the eggs
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
