what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize