How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
