I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
