She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
