I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
then he tried to convert me to islam
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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