JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
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