I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
