There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize