the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
