I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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