So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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