I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
