Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I just found puke in my bra..
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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