id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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