all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
And then my night got REAL pukey
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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