I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
