it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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