My liver just broke up with me...
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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