Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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