i need an iv and a liver transplant
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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