Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
