I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
