Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
