I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
