Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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