Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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