I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
