she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
