wanna go halves on a baby?
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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