Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
