Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
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