filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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