My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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