i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
