Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
