Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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