so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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