I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize
