And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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