Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
